Sakura's Tears
by FoxFireNight
Summary: Sakura has to learn to deal with Kakashi's death, but how can she put it behind her when she's having such strange dreams about him? KakaSaku fic. Rated M for safety. This is my first fic ever so be nice! Chapter 2 is now up!
1. prologue

**I do not own any of the naruto characters... although if I did I would tie Kakashi up and do naughty things to him :)**

**Prologue  
**

**Sakura hit her knees and picked up the leaf shinobi head band that lay discarded in a pool of blood. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. And yet, there she knelt with the proof right in front of her. **

**She wished she had told him just once how she truly felt, just once said those three words that were always on the tip of her tongue. She had always been to much of a coward though. Always afraid of his rejection, but that didn't matter anymore. all the reasons that gave her pause before seemed as weak as she was.**

**She couldn't stop her tears from falling, or hold in the gut wrenching sobs that burst from her chest. She had never felt loss like this, not even when Sauske had left the village. Now she felt as if she were going to die. She wanted nothing more than to follow him in to that dark abyss. **

**Sakura felt a hand on her shoulder, vaguely heard a voice say "Sakura-chan, we need to go." she shrugged the hand away. She couldn't move from this spot. she leaned over and picked of a piece of his ripped face mask as the rain began to fall, the water mixing with his blood. It was more than she could take, and the world slowly faded to black.**

**Sakura woke later that night in a hospital bed. She looked around that cold dark room and recalled all the times she had visited Kakashi in similar rooms. She had even tended his wounds more often than any other medic, because she hadn't trusted anyone else with his safety. The tears started again, silently this time, steaming down her cheeks to drip onto the soft cotton of the hospitals sheets.**

**"Sakura?" that voice called again, "are you ok? should I call in Ba-chan?"**

**She looked up to find Naruto sitting in a chair next to her bed. she was shocked that she hadn't noticed him there before.**

**"No, Naruto, I'm fine," she lied, earning a disapproving look from her best friend.**

**"I have to be fine."**

**AN: Hi, guys! this is my first attempt at a fanfic,so be nice. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this, but I might if I get a few good reviews so let me know something guys!  
**


	2. Chapter One Shock

Chapter 2: One step at a time

I still do not own Naruto, but I still wish Kakashi belonged to me!

"I have to be."

Naruto shook his head at his pink-haired friend. He knew how she had felt about their former sensei, and he could only imagine what she was going through.

If something were to happen to Hinata….. Well he was sure that it would drive him mad. That didn't seem to be the way Sakura was handling this though.

She was acting empty, like nothing in the world existed. She seemed to have closed herself off from her emotions completely.

Naruto sighed and looked Sakura over for the hundredth time that night. Her normally vivid green eyes seemed dull, she was much paler than normal, and she had extremely dark circles under her eyes. Even her hair seemed dull and stiff.

He let his gaze travel downward to where she was still holding tightly onto Kakashi's fallen headband. It had been impossible to pry it from her fingers, even after she had fainted.

Sakura had been in the worst state of shock Tsunade had ever seen, or so the Hokage had told Naruto.

"How about you, Naruto?"

Sakura's whispered question caused him to jump.

"I…." he started but then cut off to thing about his answer. He really hadn't had time to think about it really. He had been too worried about Sakura.

"Kakashi meant a lot to me. Not only was he my teacher, he was also one of my greatest friends."

Sakura caught sight of the single tear that rolled down the blond ninja's cheek.

"I'm going to miss him, but as long as I keep him in my memories, I believe he will never truly be gone."

"Yeah," Sakura agreed, picking up her hand so she could look more closely at the headband she had gripped in her hand.

It still had his blood on it.

She felt the bile start to rise in her throat, but managed to swallow it back down.

"He will never truly be gone," she whispered.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

Tsunade had insisted upon keeping Sakura overnight for observation because of how severe her symptoms had been.

When Naruto had burst through the hospital doors carrying the blood covered kunoichi, Tsunade had feared the worst.

She had reached to check Sakura's pulse only to be shocked at how cold the girls skin had been. Her pulse had been faint and her breathing so shallow that at first Tsunade hadn't been able to tell that she had been breathing at all.

It was almost as if she had willed herself to stop living.

Tsunade pushed her blonde bangs out of her face and sighed heavily. She was now sitting alone in the darkness of her office. The only light in the room was filtering in from the streets through the huge windows at her back.

She had lost a good friend and great ninja on this day. She had almost lost her apprentice as well.

Some days, there just wasn't enough sake in the world.


	3. Chapter Two The Forgotten Shirt

**I don't own Naruto, still wishing i owned Kakashi!**

I just wanted to say thank you to all of the people who have read and commented so far! You guys are the greatest!

**Chapter 3 - the forgotten shirt**

_memorys _present

Sakura could only vaguely recall the details of the funeral as she slowly walked towards her apartment.

The rain that had started the day before hadn't stopped. Instead, it had increased into a torrential downpour. The mud on the dirt streets of Konoha was covering Sakura's feet through the black sandals that Ino had brought to her in the hospital. The dress that the blond kunoichi had brought for her to wear was completely soaked, but Sakura didn't notice.

She barely noticed the rain that was pounding on her head and shoulders. Her mind was to filled with memories of Kakashi to pay attention to anything else.

she smiled slightly when she thought of the day she had first met her former sensei.

He had walked straight into Naruto's prank. She remembered the way her gut had clenched when the chalk filled eraser had fallen on the silver-haired man's head.

Looking back on that memory though, she realized that Kakashi had probably known that it was there the entire time.

She sighed inwardly as she unlocked the door to her apartment.

As soon as she walked through the door she sat down and took off her muddy shoes. Sakura then started taking off the rest of her dripping clothing as she walked towards her bathroom.

She paused when she got to the kitchen to turn on the light in the room. when she looked towards the kitchen table she swore she could almost reach out and touch the memory that unfolded before her.

******************************************************

_Naruto and Kakashi were sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for the tea that Sakura was in the process of making for them. She moved around the bright yellow room to gather the teacups and other ingredients._

_She would turn now and then to make a playful face at something Naruto was saying or just to watch them for a moment._

_Kakashi was reading his ever present book, while Naruto explained enthusiastically about something that Konohamaru had done. _

_Kakashi would laugh now and then, but Sakura couldn't tell if it was about Naruto's story or his book. She was betting on the latter._

_Sakura stopped moving for a moment and became nervous as Naruto suddenly became quiet. She knew what was coming next. Sakura could feel him watching her as she poured their tea._

_She handed Kakashi his tea first, and had melted inside when he'd smiled at her and said "Thank-you Sakura."_

_And as she handed Naruto his cup, he grinned mischievously__._

_"Sakura-chan," he started, "I hear that someone in the village has a crush on you." _

_This had obviously caught Kakashi's attention too, for he had finally set aside his book._

_Sakura sighed, sitting down at the opposite side of the table from the two men._

_"Who is it this time?" she asked unenthusiastically as she stirred sugar into her own cup of tea._

_"Kiba."_

_Sakura rolled her eyes at Naruto. She very seriously doubted that this little bit of gossip was true. her friend had been trying to set her up with any of the males of the rookie nine, including Neji and Rock Lee, after she had confessed to him that she was over Sauske._

_"Not interested," she stated, starting to get a little annoyed with Naruto's game._

_Sakura also found it just a little amusing how much attention Kakashi seemed to be paying to this conversation. since when was he worried about her love life or lack thereof?_

_"Aww, Sakura-chan, is there anyone in the village that you'd consider dating? I'm running out of Ideas here," he said, sounding disappointed that she wasn't interested in the Inuzuka boy._

_Sakura blushed when Kakashi's gaze slid from Naruto to herself._

_"Sure there is," she replied becoming intensely interested in her cup of tea, "I just don't think he is interested in me.... or that he would ever be able to see me in that way."_

_"WHAT?!" the blonde male had yelled, "You are one of the most beautiful girls in the village! Who in their right mind wouldn't be interested?"_

_"Well there was Sauske....." she started._

_"He doesn't count."_

_"And then there's Sai....."_

_"Sai doesn't count either! Sometimes I doubt that guy's even human," Naruto interrupted, then his face fell. "Oh Kami, Sai isn't the guy you were talking about is he?"_

_Sakura couldn't help but laugh at the awkward expression on Naruto's face._

_"No, you baka, I was not talking about Sai."_

_"Well then, who is it?"_

_"I would tell you if I wanted you to know now wouldn't I?"she replied, the blush rising once more to her face._

_"But Sakura.... that's really unfair..." The blond ninja pouted at her, but then he noticed the way Kakashi was watching Sakura. The pink-haired Kunoichi had also suddenly started acting like Hinata._

_"Oh!" Naruto exclaimed, a look of shock on his face, when all the pieces fell into place._

_The sound of Naruto's revelation had brought Kakashi's attention back to himself._

_Sakura cast Naruto a pleading look, silently begging him not to say anything._

_She still couldn't get over how Naruto could act so dumb sometimes and yet still be so smart._

_"Well, Sakura," Kakashi said suddenly, "whoever he is, he's a lucky man." He stood up from the table and smiled as he picked up his book from where it was laying on the table and tucked it into his back pocket._

_"While I would enjoy staying longer, I have an appointment with the Hokage in thirty minutes."_

_"Thanks for stopping by," Sakura said, still blushing, but meeting his gaze all the same._

_"Thank-you for having me," He replied, giving a lazy wave as he turned and walked out of Sakura's small dining room._

_Naruto waited about five seconds after they heard the front door shut to say, "You are in love with Kakashi-Sensei?!"_

_"SHH!" Sakura said quickly, "you know how good the man's hearing is!"_

_"Oh right," Naruto had said, lowering his voice. He sat without saying anything for a moment after that._

_"I think you should tell him," the blonde man said suddenly, his cerulean eyes meeting hers._

_"I can't"_

_"Why not?"_

"_I just....." Sakura started, then she finished honestly, "I'm just to scared. I took all the rejection I could handle from Sauske. I don't think I could handle being rejected by Kakashi, too."_

_***************************************_

The memory faded leaving Sakura with a clenched throat and tears burning her eyes. She moved away from her kitchen then, and into her bathroom, where she finished undressing.

She stepped into the shower, which she had turned so hot that it was turning her skin red the instant the water touched her. She rested her head against the cool tile of the shower wall and let the tears come again.

She stayed there in the shower until the water had turned as cold as the rain that was still falling outside.

She barely remembered getting out of the shower and drying off, but suddenly she found herself standing in her bedroom.

Sakura was standing in front of her dresser, holding one of Kakashi's black long sleeved shirts that he'd worn had gotten ripped on a mission, and Sakura had offered to mend it for him.

She'd managed to fix the tear in the shirt, but hadn't ever found time to give it back to him.

Slowly, almost as if it hurt, she unwrapped the towel she still had around her body and slid the shirt over her head.

The sleeves were too long, and the bottom of it landed mid-thigh, but Sakura finally felt like she was going to be okay.

she finally made her way to her bed. Sakura pushed back the kunai print comforter and slid into bed with nothing but Kakashi's shirt on.


	4. Chapter 4

this is just a little letter to apologize about not updating.... my husband is in the military and was recently deployed... i fully intend to update, it may take a while though because with him gone i have to watch after our 2 year old daughter by myself :D thanks for understanding :)


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